Wednesday, June 28, 2006
LOVE YOU LONG TIME BIRTHDAY BASH
Happy Birthday to my dear friend Andrew,
who celebrated his 30th on Monday, June 26th.
who celebrated his 30th on Monday, June 26th.
A bon fete celebration was held at the Bitter End in honour of this momentous occassion. Friends, drinks, food, cake and a surprise appearance by both an outdoor DJ and Andrew's grandmother made the evening one to remember. Here are some snaps of the fun times ...
Tuesday, June 20, 2006
CONFESSIONS ON A BLOG FLOOR: MY LIFE THROUGH MADONNA
Tomorrow night I will dance and sing at the throne of my queen – MADONNA - as the Confessions Tour hits Montreal! In honour of this exciting event being added to my list of substantial Madonna memories, I thought it appropriate to go back and do a little retrospective on my life with Madonna. Here are my 'confessions' ... I first got 'into the groove' with Madonna in 1984 when the 'Easter Bunny' brought me my first Madonna cassette, aptly titled Like A Virgin. To say
I was 'touched for the very first time' would be putting it mildly as I have been beyond your average fan ever since ... some might even say I'm slightly obsessed! The story of my first encounter with Madonna is easy to remember because it was at that time I discovered that the Easter Bunny does not really exist! My mom fell asleep before putting my presents out the night before and when I woke up the next morning she frantically came up with the excuse that she had to go out to check and see if "he had come" before I could go look for myself. Of course, what she was actually doing was running around in a panic trying to put out those Easter gifts before I found out the awful truth. Unfortunately, I heard her getting the stuff out of the bags and kind of figured things out for myself. I could have very well turned my back on Madonna after that traumatic experience, but even a dashed childhood fantasy did not sway my love for her. Who cares about losing the Easter Bunny when you've found the new Queen of Pop!!!Since that moment I haven't missed an album, single, video, movie, book, magazine cover, or TV appearance. And in the past 20 years there have been plenty of memories...
I remember going grocery shopping in the city with my grandmother where she bought me True Blue at Woolco. On that same day she bought me a gold initial ring that I only had a 
month before I chewed it to pieces while bored in Mrs. Mooney's 5th grade math class. My devoutly Catholic grandmother also bought me the Like a Prayer album and was not too pleased with herself when she watched the video for the title song and saw the burning crosses ... I think I was forced to say a few Hail Mary's and an Our Father that night before bed!I cannot count the times I dressed up like old school Madonna with my aunt Lulu's big orange dangly clip-on earrings and fluorescent green gloves, and
performed Madonna songs for my dad's in-house male dart league (please pick up a copy of Rocky's Rules For How To Make Your Father Proud). Embarrassingly enough, I also remember going to the local hang-out in my home town where Vogue was number 123 on the juke box. I would press those buttons and proceed to stand on the pool table and do the entire dance sequence for the song! I honestly have NO IDEA how everyone figured out I was gay years before I admitted it!!!Around the same time as this, I remember buying Truth or Dare behind my
mom's back and watching it whenever she’d go out, rewinding the segments with the gay dancers over and over and being totally amazed by them. Eventually she caught me watching it and burned it in the wood stove :-( I also remember 
watching The Girlie Show on Much Music with my dad. Of course, he assumed (or hoped) I was enjoying watching the topless female back-up singers while really I was most enjoying Madonna's outfit changes and the ripped, thong-clad dancers... but whatever delusions he had to believe in so that I could watch were fine by me! While in my first years of university, I went to see Evita with my cousin
Tammy and we were the only two young people in the audience (and I’m pretty sure I was the only male). We bawled our eyes out and I went to see it a second time. I was also ready to cry when she didn't get an Oscar nomination but was happy enough with her Golden Globe win and her performance and win for best song - You Must Love Me - at the Academy Awards that year.
And then there's Ray of Light, the album that will
forever be my favourite. This was the one released in the period leading up to when I came out of the closet. Today, RoL rarely leaves my headphones. My favourite Madonna moment of all time was when she performed the title track for the first time on Oprah.
Beautiful Stranger
became my theme song in the summer of 1999 and shortly after I was dancing in the gay bar (you can imagine what it’s like to dance in a gay club to Madonna for the first time) to Music. I even spent my last night in Newfoundland with Madonna before moving to Halifax. A couple of friends and I decided the best place to say good-bye would be the Zone while watching the Drowned World Tour broadcast on HBO! 
Two years later, Madonna saw her least successful album, American Life... I still argue it is one of her greatest. One of my funniest memories of this time was when Joseph and I 
discovered that when we were out walking and listening to Love Profusion on our headphones, we would both pretend we were Madonna and walk like she did in the video! And this album gave me a chance to see her live for the first time when she went to Toronto for her Re-Invention Tour in Toronto. There are no words! What a great weekend. I spent the night before the concert at a Madonna party filled with the most amazing drag queen impressionists and NOTHING but Madonna music and videos. Even a typically over-dramatic appearance from my arch-nemesis at the party could not get me down that night!
Over the years, I've had more fun times than I can count, shakin' it to her tunes on the dance floor. And since November I have not stopped dancing to Madonna's latest sensation, Confessions on a Dance Floor. I'll always remember doing the Hung Up dance with Jake on the stage at Reflections and even teaching a group of lesbians the moves so they could dance along! Dancing to Madonna is what I will always remember most about her ... in fact, I learned to dance to her music in the middle of my grandmother's kitchen floor.I stayed loyal to her through it all - the jelly bracelets and teased hair; the fake mole; burning crosses; conical bras and deep-throating water bottles; Dita; the SEX book; Geisha goddess; the cowgirl, kissing Britney and Christina, English Lady of the Manor; children's author; and my new favourite re-invention - pink and purple sequined leotard-clad disco diva!
Tomorrow night I will make another fantastic memory as I dance the night away with Madonna and thousands of other adoring fans. And my memories will not stop there - one day I'll dance at my wedding to Crazy for You.
Over 20 years have passed and after all this time, whenever I feel down and need some motivation to get up and moving, all I have to do is turn on a Madonna song and 'dance for inspiration.' After all, it was the queen herself who once told me...
"When all else fails and you long to be something better than you are today. I know a place where you can get away it's called a dance floor, and here's what it's for ..."
Monday, June 19, 2006
FRIENDS, FOOD, FUN ... BUT NO FACIALS!
Another fantastic weekend filled with friends, food, fun ... but no facials! Friday night we went to Joseph's for what was supposed to be "Facial Friday." However, on a trip to my esthetician's office for some eyelash tinting (fab) earlier that day, she recommended that I not put a $.99 face mask on if I was planning to go out that night. Well, we all know that Fridays are the new Saturdays so NOT going out was simply NOT an option for me, so I opted for more drinking, less facial. And apparently not going out wasn't an option for anyone else either as EVERYONE went out and NO ONE did facials! 
Having only eaten a sandwich all day, I got obnoxiously drunk very quickly. I ran out of wine but luckily there was some "HAPPY BIRTHDAY" available so that I did not lose my buzz. We had fun laughing and talking and hearing Andrew's traveling stories! I've been told that after some more drinking on Jo's Patio Bistro, we made our way to Menz Bar but I don't remember going there or being there (sorry Simon for harassing you to play Madonna :-S). What I DO remember is becoming Karen Kane as Stephen used me to demonstrate his best ballet moves on the walk to Reflections. And I DO remember continuing the fun at Reflections (sort of). When I got home I got in bed and tried to fight off the spins as I repeated to myself: "you are going to be so sick tomorrow, you are going to be SOOOOoooo sick tomorrow!" But ........ I wasn't sick! Instead I got up and said "did I even go OUT last night?!" It was another lovely, sunny day so I got ready and Peter, Phil and I went to Mexi's patio for a Sangria and some people watching. Phil tried to fill in some of the blanks from Friday night but I eventually just put my fingers in my ears and said "la, la, la, la, la, la!" He informed me that I went over my quota for saying "ruin my buzz" and was not allowed to say it anymore this weekend! After Mexi's we made our way to my place where we had a fantastic BBQ and ate in the evening sun on the patio. Later that evening we went to Phil's for some cosmos. Dimitri and Kevin came over and we had a lovely time. Dimitri gave his recommendations for the best strip club to go to in Montreal ... ummm ... I'll leave it at that! Then it was off to Refs again for some dancing. The entire gang came out and it was so much fun. I didn't say "ruin my buzz" all night but did create the acronym "RMB" ... sorry Phil ;-)
Sunday was another gorgeous day. I got up at noon and Chase came by to pick me up so we could head to the Shire for a day of Sunday lounging by the lake, lots of sun and even more fun! There WAS a hot tub, but luckily it was wearing a Bonnie Raitt condom so that we were not tempted to get in and get infected! We drank our beer and coolers as we gossiped and laughed the day away. We had the most fantastic BBQ, which put our buzz on pause for awhile. Ten pieces of dessert later and after taking a short rest on the Shire's comfy couches (where Matt molested each and every one of us in some form or another), I decided it was time for Buzz Part Two: Return of the Buzz.
We got ourselves all decked out in Hobbit Coutour and made our way back outside and decided that the best spot to place our chairs would be on the steepest part of the Shire's lawn. Caught on the downhill end of a bench, Joseph felt like he had been taking a ride on the "hurricane" all evening. At one point I decided that the music was RMB so Jeff mistakenly sent Kevin to change the tunes ... he put on "Ziggy" by Celine Dion! Jeff banished Kevin from the
DJ cabana house and eventually Madonna managed to make her way into the speakers and it was time for Buzz Part Three: End of the Buzz Trilogy! More drinking and laughing ensued as Julie decided to tell us how she convinces squeamish guys to go ... ummm ... down there. Does anyone have any "Smuckers?" We learned that Fun Dip is a more vagina-friendly candy than Pop Rocks and we also learned from Jody's mom that you are not supposed to talk when making meringue. It was getting cold at this point and even though Chase and Sarah tried to teach us "how to make a Hatchett Lake quilt," we decided it was best to go inside. Jeff became the new Adam Sandler as he demonstrated HBO on demand. Apparently it is best to watch the show Big Love backwards because Jeff started us out with Episode 12! Things were winding down and we felt we did not even have enough buzz left go to Britney Spears night at Refs, so we all said our good-byes and headed home.
What a great weekend! And Joseph assures us not to worry about the lack of facials. He is currently planning a brand new event: Facial Friday: For real, real not for play, play!
Quotes from the weekend:
-- "HAPPY BIRTHDAY"
-- "Put your cock on my face" (said in a Scottish accent)
-- "Pop rocks are NOT a vagina-friendly candy!"
-- "Just put some jam on it and get down there!"
-- "RMB"
-- "Jeff is the new Adam Sandler"
-- "Not only does it fast forward, it also rewinds!"
-- "You are not supposed to talk when making meringue"
-- "Ziggy ... Il s'appelle Ziggy!"
Friday, June 16, 2006
HOBBIT TALK
Welcome to the latest Ray of Delight feature, which will include regular questions, comments or views made by Jeff (aka The Hobbit). Urban Dictionary defines Hobbit Talk as the following:1. Any discussion which speculates that homosexual relations were engaged in by any of the male Hobbit characters in any Lord of the Rings films or novels.
"That's right at the end of Return of the King Frodo's sittin' in the bed and Merry and Pippin jump right in and get it on! Then Sam and Gimli show up and just sit there and watch the whole thing."
2. Any uncomfortable or unseemly discussion among peers.
"Hey shut up man! That's fuckin hobbit talk."
3. Litteral. The interjection used to interrupt discussions of the above.
"Hey did you hear about Sarah goin down on your bud..."
Today's comment concerns the reunion of gay friends...
Mandrew: "I can't wait to see you tonight. It's been so long"
Jeff: "I know! I'm beginning to forget what you look like... from the front!"
IF IT'S BITTER AT THE START ...
Click on the image below to check out the awesome new
video for Get Together, Madonna's latest single ...
Thursday, June 15, 2006
KUNG-FU MADONNA
Only six days now until I go see Madonna in Montreal and eight days till Blondie ... q934uy90=jgalkj*Au9U98S*&%#@ ... sorry, that was just me having a heart attack, accompanied by a mini-stroke, followed by a slight seizure!!!
Now what was I saying? Oh yeah, so only a week till Madonna and Blondie and my blogfather, Jeff, was kind enough to escort me to Kung-Fu T-Shirts yesterday so I could have a shirt custom made for the Confessions concert ... it is fab. Silver letters on a black t-shirt that spell "If I were a song" on front and, "I would be Super Pop," on back. I picked silver sparkley letters to match the silver sequined disco belt I'll be wearing that night. YES, I said sequined and what do you mean, "AM I GAY?!"
Now what was I saying? Oh yeah, so only a week till Madonna and Blondie and my blogfather, Jeff, was kind enough to escort me to Kung-Fu T-Shirts yesterday so I could have a shirt custom made for the Confessions concert ... it is fab. Silver letters on a black t-shirt that spell "If I were a song" on front and, "I would be Super Pop," on back. I picked silver sparkley letters to match the silver sequined disco belt I'll be wearing that night. YES, I said sequined and what do you mean, "AM I GAY?!"
If I were an actor I'd be Marlon Brando
If I were a painter I'd be Freda Kahlo
If I were a drink I'd be a Lemon Drop
If I were a song I would be Super Pop!
25 THINGS THAT RUIN MY BUZZ
1. Chicken skewers and sauteed veggies
2. Beyonce
3. Hang-overs
4. Oprah
5. Jennifer Anistion
6. Jennifer Aniston when she's ON Oprah
7. Drinking on Friday night ruins Saturday nights' buzz
8. Ashlee Simpson when she sings "L-O, L-O, L-O, L-O-V-E"
9. People who act as if they like you for years then tell you they don't
10. Going Potty
11. Running out of alcohol at the cottage
12. People who bad mouth Madonna
13. Elton John (especially when he bad mouths Madonna)
14. Celine Dion talking about her frozen embryos
15. R&B and rap on a Saturday night
16. Bonnie Raitt (the disease, not the singer)
17. Jamie Foxx (the actor, not the disease)
18. Eating while trying to get drunk
19. Date Movie
20. Will and Jada ("my baby bathes me")
21. Deeply profound messenger names and people who leave their schedule then say, "CELL IT!"
22. Gay guys who say they're "straight-acting"
23. Star Jones Reynolds, Meredith Viera, Elizabeth Hasselbeck, Joy Behar and Babs Walters
24. Ellen when she steals her audiences' purses and coats
25. Q-DOT!
2. Beyonce
3. Hang-overs
4. Oprah
5. Jennifer Anistion
6. Jennifer Aniston when she's ON Oprah
7. Drinking on Friday night ruins Saturday nights' buzz
8. Ashlee Simpson when she sings "L-O, L-O, L-O, L-O-V-E"
9. People who act as if they like you for years then tell you they don't
10. Going Potty
11. Running out of alcohol at the cottage
12. People who bad mouth Madonna
13. Elton John (especially when he bad mouths Madonna)
14. Celine Dion talking about her frozen embryos
15. R&B and rap on a Saturday night
16. Bonnie Raitt (the disease, not the singer)
17. Jamie Foxx (the actor, not the disease)
18. Eating while trying to get drunk
19. Date Movie
20. Will and Jada ("my baby bathes me")
21. Deeply profound messenger names and people who leave their schedule then say, "CELL IT!"
22. Gay guys who say they're "straight-acting"
23. Star Jones Reynolds, Meredith Viera, Elizabeth Hasselbeck, Joy Behar and Babs Walters
24. Ellen when she steals her audiences' purses and coats
25. Q-DOT!
Monday, June 12, 2006
RANDOM THOUGHTS BY MANDREW
"So I was at the Newport mall in Jersey City to see Deborah Gibson do a free show, when I noticed a sign that read 'Active Doorway.' And I couldn't help but wonder, how active is my doorway?"
This edition of Random Thoughts by Mandrew was brought to you by The Bedroom Depot - "We're great in beds!"
A PET PEEVE TO CALL MY OWN ...
People who use messenger names to leave supposedly deep and meaningful messages drive me insane. If you have something to say to a person, perhaps it would be more effective to actually message that person and just say it. Is there a need to post your emotional and cryptic messages to everyone else on your messenger list who really have NO clue what it is you are talking about anyways?I also hate when people use messenger names to leave their entire itinerary for the day. I doubt anyone is that close with every person on their messenger list that they have to post: "gone to work, then to visit grandmother, then to the grocery store, then to the gym ... be back at 8, so CELL IT!" I have come to the conclusion that there should be a maximum number of letters allowed for messages in messenger names!
Now if you'll excuse me I have to go change my messenger name to suggest to a friend that I don't like them while simultaneously posting my schedule for the rest of the day ... "CELL IT!"
Thursday, June 08, 2006
CELEBRITIES ARE MORONS
"No matter what they take from me,
they can't take away my DIGNITY!"
they can't take away my DIGNITY!"
'Celebrities are Morons' is the brand new 'Ray of Delight' weekly feature by renowned celebrity basher, Julie E. Curran of Newfoundland. Wednesday, June 07, 2006
COME ON CHECK IT OUT WITH ME ...
Everyone back on the dance floor! Get Together, the fabu new single from Madonna, was released for sale as a maxi yesterday! Just 14 more days now till the Confessions Tour in Montreal ... EEEEEEEEEEeeeeeeeeeeeeeekkkkkkkkkkkk!
THINGS LEARNED ON THE DAY OF SATAN
Asians are the new Damien!
Monday, June 05, 2006
QUOTE OF THE WEEK
RH: "Have you ever had a serious conversation in your life?"
MG: "I have plenty of serious conversations ... like right now, I'm completely serious when I say 'I have syphilis!'"
MG: "I have plenty of serious conversations ... like right now, I'm completely serious when I say 'I have syphilis!'"
